THE POINSETTIA STORY (By Request)

My parents have to deal with a lot. But somehow,
deep down I think they like having me
around.

Take the poinsettia story from
a few Christmas’ ago.

We were on our
way to my dad’s cousin’s house, which is where we have Christmas Eve dinner.
Everyone was in the car and we were pulling out of the driveway when my mom
realized that she’d forgotten the poinsettia plant she wanted to bring to give
to my my dad’s cousin. So she tells me to run back into the house and get
it.

I’m a good boy. Always do as I’m
told. (Heh.) So I run back in. Now, what would be the fun of getting exactly
what my mom wanted immediately? So I begin to grab anything but the poinsettia
plant and start heading back to the car. A flashlight. A small statue we have
by the door. A shoe. ANYTHING but the plant. Each time I head out the door my
mother yells from the car, “THE POINSETTIA! GET THE GOD DAMN POINSETTIA!” Each
time I go back in and get ANYTHING ELSE but the plant, which is sitting right by
the door and each time my mother yells for me to get the plant, each time adding
in more obscenities!

After about 20
attempts my mom yells, “The flower! Get the F*@#&$#IN’ FLOWER!” So I march
back in and get the big tub of baking flour we have in the kitchen. I head out
the door and my mom yells, “I knew it! I KNEW
IT!”

I figure she’s had enough so I go
back in, get the poinsettia and stand at the door yelling, “IS THIS THE GOD DAMN
POINSETTIA?”

And mom’s yealling back,
“YES! THAT’S THE GOD DAMN
POINSETTIA!”

“ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE
GOD DAMN POINSETTA

“YES! NOW GET IN
THE F*(&&IN CAR!!”

“ARE YOU
SURE THOUGH! IS THIS THE GOD DAMN POINSETTIA YOU
WANT?”

“YES! GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR
NOW!!!”

Mind you this is 6 PM on
Christmas Eve.

I get in the car and we
leave, laughing about it the whole way to my cousin’s
house.

The next night we are sitting
around the Christmas Dinner table at my Great Aunt’s house. Everyone is
enjoying their food and in a lull in the conversation, my dad’s cousin Melinda
turns to my mom and says, “Was everything okay up at the house last
night?”

My mom said, “Yeah.
Why?”

“Oh no reason.” Melinda replied.
“It’s just that my friends who live around the corner called me this morning to
wish me a Merry Christmas and were wondering if you guys were having some
problems because they heard two people screaming at each other about a
poinsettia.”

My mom goes bright red,
“Oh God! Please tell them I’m so sorry. We were just fooling
around.”

Melinda looks at my mom
like….uh yeah.

The rest of us just
die laughing!

OTHER STORIES I
SHOULD TELL (IF I GET THE TIME)

The Phrase
That Pays.

Pregnancy Pills For
X-Mas.

BARBA!
oh…there’s
too many! Maybe next year I’ll do the 12 stories of Christmas!

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