JAMIE

Losing Jamie is quite possibly the saddest thing I
have experienced in my life. Jamie was an incredible person and there was not
many like her. No, there was no one like her. It’s incredibly difficult to
lose someone you have spent the past 10+ years of your life thinking of at LEAST
once a day. I know she will be on my mind and in my heart forever. All the
grief and pain I have felt in the past two days has been more than I’ve ever
lived through.

When September 11th
happened I, like everyone, was shocked, saddened and humbled. I was fortunate
enough to be on the outside of that horrible, horrible event. Now I know how
those directly affected feel. I know though that whatever I feel, no matter how
amazingly impossible I think it is, it is only a mere fraction of the grief felt
by her family. Jamie’s Grandmother called me yesterday and I felt so helpless.
I had no words for her. There is nothing that can fill that hole in any of
their hearts other than seeing that smile of Jamie’s once
again.

This website is supposed to be
about laughter. About forgetting your cares through music that makes you smile.
I’m sorry to post this on here. It’s just that Jamie was so much a part of the
foundation of Throwing Toasters, the foundation of me as a person, that I think
it’s necessary.

The amount she
influenced me cannot be measured. A few puny examples, I often tell people that
I wrote A.T.M. on a dare. It was Jamie, sitting in the passenger seat of my car
after i used the A.T.M. that day, saying that I’d never write a song about using
the A.T.M.. The green eyes in P&M?
Jamie’s.

Jamie was a HUGE animal lover.
Her heart opened to any animal. Once we adopted lab monkeys through a PETA like
organization. We got dog tags with our monkey’s serial numbers on them. Mine
is the code on all of my albums, from ALVIN to Mr. Grant (the first printings
of Mr. Grant, don’t have this number, it was corrected for the second
batch.).

These are tiny examples. Tiny
tiny examples. Every day since she’s been gone I’ve realized how much little
things I say are things we used to say to each other. It goes on and
on.

Okay. I’ll stop. This is getting
much too much for the old Throwing Toasters site. Jamie was incredible and will
be missed so dearly.

Please, just do
this for me….forget about coming to see shows, forget about buying Cds.
PLEASE tell those you love that you love them. ALL THE TIME. Even if you get
in a fight with them (not that I was in a fight with Jamie, I’m just saying)
right before you slam down the phone, use that energy to scream out, “I LOVE
YOU, YOU *@#&#@&#*(!!!!’ :-) Make sure they know
it.

Never stop yourself from telling
someone how much you appreciate them. Because, as the cliche goes, someday you
might not get to and as I’ve learned, it may be when you least expect
it.

I miss you Jamie.

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